I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
