Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The air taste purple.
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