I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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