forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
