Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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