If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
