Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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