I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
