Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
