turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
