he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
