I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
