i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
