guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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