you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
