he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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