He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
