He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize