Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
