i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
