The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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