she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
im on a boat
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