I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
