well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This is my gift to your gina
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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