you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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