youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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