I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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