Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
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Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
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Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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