Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
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He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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