we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
