Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
