Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
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direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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