Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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