I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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