R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he wants to bone in the snuggie
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
