Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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