there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
