By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
