Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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