Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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