and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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