remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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