They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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