I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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