I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
