just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
