pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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