omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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