why didn't you poke me back
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
