I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
