It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize