then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
