i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
