70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
