I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
