Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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