Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
