I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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