all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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