After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
