My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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